havingstuff:

Extra Virgin Coconut Oil

I’ve always been a little bananas for coconuts (AMIRITE). Like one time I was living in Costa Rica (stop me) and only had eight dollars so I lived on coconuts for a couple of weeks. I gained about 20 lbs/hour but I was happy as a tropical clam (I was also, apparently, excreting a natural repellent against sand fleas, but I can’t speak to that).

So when I caught wind of the hippie sensation of replacing other forms of cooking oil with coconut oil, I went right for it and haven’t looked back. This stuff hardly tastes like coconut, so don’t worry if that’s not your particular flay-vah. It’s less viscous than olive oil, less depressing than butter, and is obviously superior in every way to, god save us, canola. Plus it is full of the good fats and not the bad ones, and gives you energy while boosting your immune system. Quel magnifique!

But then I noticed that every other comment on The Hairpin, from which I take all guidance, lauded the practice of slathering your body with coconut oil while in the shower. Gwyneth confirms (doesn’t her use of the word “literally” give you chills?). So I immediately bought a second jar for the bathroom (lie! I started by carrying the first jar back and forth between the kitchen and the bathroom and now you have to live with knowing that). Turns out: this stuff feels even better on the outside! It doesn’t get super greasy like baby oil, plus you get to smell like what summer might smell like, who knows, when will winter be over.

I have since heard of further uses for coconut oil, which is great, because I love feeling validated:

• My friend’s naturopathy dentist guy told her to swish a little around in her mouth as part of her tooth-care regimen—apparently bacteria can’t survive in the oily environment, even though the little guys seem to do just fine at the bottom of the world. Maybe you think this is disgusting, but what I hear is further evidence that I don’t actually have to floss.
• Apparently you can use it as a face wash, but when I gave it a go on Thanksgiving it felt like I had gotten confused and accidentally basted my face instead of the turkey. I also think it left a greasy residue on my pillow (it’s cool, I’m single). But my colleague tried it out and is a big fan; she notes that I may not have “steamed sufficiently.” Your call.
• I know someone who eats a spoonful of coconut oil a day as a homeopathic remedy for his colitis (don’t click on that link unless you want to getbummed (stop me!) out). I don’t have colitis (yet!) but I can tell you thatthe whole twosie situation has been smooth sailing for me recently. The more you know.
• And, finally, I have some friends who use coconut oil as a lubricant during their fun-times (maybe I know too much about my friends’ personal lives; but then again, maybe you need to open up a little more with the people you love). They’re big fans! But again, I’m doing a lone-wolf kind of thing so I can’t vouch for this. A quick and lazy Google search shows that some folks link coconut oil to high fertility, so adjust usage according to your needs and choices.

To sum up: uses for coconut oil include liberally applying it to every part of the inside and outside of your body in order to make everything look and feel better than it did before. But remember: extra virgin only, y’all! Otherwise it can apparently get rancid. Especially if you do, eventually, buy a second jar of it and leave it in your shower (I did, relax).

-Julia

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