Nalini and I got a sneak peek of next month’s goop Birchboxes! Don’t want to give it all away, but ours included:

• An $800 white t-shirt (for the school run)
• Index card with the dotted outline of a Rag & Bone boot
• A selection of dropped names curated by Mario Batali
• A recipe for macaroni & cheese, minus macaroni, minus cheese, oh just eat the La Mer out of the jar with a caviar spoon
• Bespoke dry shampoo crafted from from Blue Ivy’s fontanelle (for blondes only)
• 2.5-oz sample of Jessica Seinfeld’s Cavolfiore, selected vegetables rendered as fine, vanilla-scented mist
• Fun-house compact (for thinspo)
• Pre-addressed stamped envelope to the Vatican enclosing a petition for the beatification of Bruce Paltrow
• Pull-up thong
• Country Strong DVD filled with a year’s worth of chia seeds
• Tracy Anderson-branded all-in-one brown rice consomme/facial toner
• The number to Madonna’s BlackBerry
• Stella McCartney leopard-print vegan clutch filled with the dust of Winona Ryder’s dreams
• Diamond stud earrings (courtesy of Ben Affleck)