hipster law
Someone should print this out and post it to streetlamps all over the world. I’ve long maintained that hipster just means asshole, but you’re too chicken or jealous to say asshole. By you I mean me sometimes.
i have always thought there should be a hipster law, analogous to godwin’s law. the typical usage of godwin’s law (although the wikipedia definition is a little different) states that once you make the comparison of someone to hitler, you immediately forfeit the argument, you lose, and everyone can go back to what they were doing beforehand.
hipster is what people call other people who bother them. this is the only usage of the word. no one has ever said “hipster” when it wasn’t immediately preceeded by “that stupid…” or followed by “…ruined everything,” and sometimes both. hipster means “meanie,” but sounds a little less stupid.
i used to like reading and commenting on the blog brooklynvegan a lot. i had to stop, because, like with the 1950’s and commies, i started seeing a hipster under every bed. i would go see a show, have a good time, and read the next day in the comments of brooklynvegan about how the hipsters ruined it.
sometimes hipsters ruin things with their dancing. sometimes with their standing and not dancing. sometimes they have on stupid glasses, and sometimes they look normal, coz they’re just hipsters. sometimes they are the band’s old fans, the scenesters, or the new fans. all the time, all these horrible people are hipsters.
HIPSTER HIPSTER HIPSTER!!!!
i’d see a room full of former A/V club grownups in kool-aide shirts, and someone would say they were all hipsters. “there weren’t any hipsters there!” “are you kidding, they were all hipsters!” sometimes i’d see a room of people dressed in black. “hipsters!” hiiiiiiiiiiiipsters! “no, wait, those weren’t hipsters…, they were zine writers. or something.”
if you understand this post at all, you are technically a hipster, because you know what a hipster is. hipster is a word that bites back on its owner like a snappy turtle. say it/be it.
have a thought experiment. imagine a truck driver, middle-aged. make him from nebraska. drop him into a flashmob or some shit like that, happening on bedford avenue in brooklyn. now, imagine as he yells, “hipsters!”
right, he wouldn’t say that. he might whup some ass, but he wouldn’t know what a hipster is.
i really think when the word passes your lips, you have made yourself the biggest hipster on earth, and have lost the argument, whatever argument you were trying to make. say hipster, be a hipster, love a hipster, hip a hipster, la la la hipster hipster i can’t hear you